The mathmatic equation of where I end, and You begin.

Ive been praying about my life a lot lately, just kind of mainly for myself, as selfish as that sounds, but just to get my life in order and for God to help mold me into the person who I should be right now.

Because when I look in the mirror, the thing I see is a complacent and disgraceful, burden, not at all who I should be. I was disgusted in myself every day, pitying myself, hating myself. I started seeing myself as a burden to everyone, so I started to pray about it. God showed me some stuff through my small group and Chi Alpha, but I felt I was still wasting time, confessing the same sins day after day, while praying for my actions and will, and just playing the game. I was getting nothing accomplished. I was dead weight dragging people along with myself down.

After manning up and realizing, by thanks of a vision, that I also needed to work on myself and not just expect God to do everything for me. (God kinda kicked me in the boys, and slapped me around a bit one night through prayer and sleep.) Cleaning up my act, straightening things out with me and the Big Guy, a few cry sessions with some guys and my girlfriend, and more prayer, helped give my heart a little kick start, and started the embers of the flame that will soon come.

I believe that we all are where we are for a reason, and we need to stop, remember that and rejoice in it every once in a while. Just think God has you in the place you are now with who you are with for a reason, all part of a greater plan. Enjoy those small things.

I found work to be more tolerable, and as a lesson of gratitude, pride, and patience. It was a place of evil. Almost everyone worshiped backstabbing, greed, and lies. I on the other hand stopped participating in it and just did my own thing, stopped stealing sales, and backstabbing, and just listened to God. I got a lot less sales and had to sign a paper saying if I didn't start raising my sales within 30 days I could be fired. Roller coaster time.

I flipped. I stopped listening to God because I didn't want to lose my job. I mean, I just stopped doing all this stuff just to get fired? So i started to take things into my own hands and fell to the claws of the lies and my past of failures to the point of rebuke, and I went running right back to God, I guess He knew what he was doing all along. So I obeyed.
(That day was terrifying, and I will post it in a later blog.)

A month passed and my sales still sucked. But I was to the point of apathy with it all anyways because I knew I was going to be fired. I wasn't worried about it too much, just kind of wanting to know what He had planned at this point.

And I got fired. It sucked. Failure to meet sales quota. Oh well, the backstabbing just wasn't for me anyways. This is the part where I had to trust God the most. So after I got fired, I went home a prayed for a while. And I was okay with everything. No worries. Hakuna matata. :)

So I have this calming feeling over me the rest of the day, talked to my friend and he helped me get an interview at Babin's. The first thing he says is, this isn't an easy job, it takes a lot of DISCIPLINE. That word rang in my head along with "You're ready." The interview goes well and within less than 2 days, I had a new job. I know it's going to be hard to deal with the discipline, but I have to remember that's what I need to be who I'm intended to be. Its tough work but I'm thankful for it, and excited to see what will come of it.

New challenges and tests are happening now, and I feel so undeserving of all of this. This job, my friends, my car, my girlfriend, my whole life. I let my fear of screwing up pull me under. I need to remember that his is the end of myself and the start of Him and through it, it will be rough but it will all be worth it, and what happens will better us all for His glory.

The Greatest Poem I Have Ever Read.

The Untrustworthy Speaker
by Louise Glück

Don’t listen to me; my heart’s been broken.
I don’t see anything objectively.

I know myself; I’ve learned to hear like a psychiatrist.
When I speak passionately,
that’s when I’m least to be trusted.

It’s very sad, really: all my life, I’ve been praised
for my intelligence, my powers of language, of insight.
In the end, they’re wasted—

I never see myself,
standing on the front steps, holding my sister’s hand.
That’s why I can’t account
for the bruises on her arm, where the sleeve ends.

In my own mind, I’m invisible: that’s why I’m dangerous.
People like me, who seem selfless,
we’re the cripples, the liars;
we’re the ones who should be factored out
in the interest of truth.

When I’m quiet, that’s when the truth emerges.
A clear sky, the clouds like white fibers.
Underneath, a little gray house, the azaleas
red and bright pink.

If you want the truth, you have to close yourself
to the older daughter, block her out:
when a living thing is hurt like that,
in its deepest workings,
all function is altered.

That’s why I’m not to be trusted.
Because a wound to the heart
is also a wound to the mind.

Photography

So living in The Woodlands has it's advantages. One is definitely the photo ops out here. I visited the Portifino shopping center and got some sweet shots and thought I'd share them here. hope you like them.










Now this photo is a few years old from when I was in photography in high school. I lost the negative to it after I made one print of it. To this day it's still my favorite picture, also the header on my blog as you can see.



More to come soon.
-Jorden

Satanism

Satanism, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t involve drinking goat blood from iron goblets while praying oaths to the devil. Satanists don’t even believe the devil exists. In Satanism, the devil merely “represents” an idea that Satanists live by, which is basically “You are your own God, do whatever you want”. This is what makes Satanism the antithesis of Christianity, not virgin sacrifices or flaming pentagrams.

Satanism is actually the most basic way of human thinking; most people I know (including Christians) adhere (albeit unknowingly) to Satanic doctrine. According to Anton Lavey’s “Satanic Bible”, here are a few of the “9 Satanic Statements”:

-Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!

-Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!

-Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!

-Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

-Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!


Where as Christianity is completely based on love for everyone, including enemies and those who deserve love the least, Satanism is based on giving love to those we deem worthy of love. Where as Christianity is based on turning the other cheek and no retaliation against those who harm us, Satanism is based on self-appointed ideas of justice and vengeance. Where as Christianity is based on the notion of faith and believing in what is unseen and spiritual, Satanism is based on physical reality and tangible existence.

Sadly, this is the way most people (including Christians) operate. People are naturally inclined to selfishness, which is the driving core of Satanism, repaying kindness for kindness and evil for evil. We give kindness, love and respect to those who give it to us, to those who “deserve” it. After being violated in some way, our obligation to love and respect a person becomes vanquished. According to the Bible, our obligation to love those who violate, hurt, persecute and destroy us not only remains, so does our obligation to humbly serve them, just as Jesus did and does for those who violate, hurt, persecute and destroy him.

Andrew Murray talked about how humility was the identifying characteristic of Christ, and that all the humility you have within you is straight from God. However much pride you retain however, is completely of Satan. This is why Satanism is what it is. Satan represents the absence of humility, putting oneself before all else rather than putting EVERYONE else before oneself.

Philippians 2:3 says: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

The conclusion is that Satanism isn’t what most people imagine it to be, in fact, there are Satanic “principles” that discourage immoral things like violence and “unwarranted” cruelty. But what it is still embodies pure evil according to Christian theology.

The antithesis of Christianity often runs in conjunction with traditional human pride, which is essentially of the devil himself. This must be what Christ was talking about when he said we’d have to “deny ourselves”. Anytime we ignore the road less traveled and look out for our own interests first, retaliate, seek our own ideas of justice and what is fair… we are following Satanic doctrine.

taken from Showbread's blog located here.
http://www.showbread.net/journal.php

My First Blog...

Okay so, story time.

One day I got extremely bored and decided that i need something to post my thoughts/rants/art. So here it is, don't expect it to get updated too often, I'll most likely just forget about this thing until I have something that lies so heavy on my mind that I'll rush back to this and forget the password. Thus, causing me to get very angry and take a bunch of time trying to recover my password, and as a result, forget why I needed to get on here anyways. Trust me it happens to me all the time, I just have that kind of luck.

But anyways, I'm going to finish trying to set up/figure this thing out. So update soon (maybe).

Godspeed,
Jorden Alexander Anderson